There is no tomorrow until the rainbow shines..

i guess i have to really change the way i look at myself and really become comfotable with who i am because it sets back so much in me. My self confidence really has to change because then how will I be able to create change? I may have a strong image but at the end, people whom I’m close to can sense my weakness and from having one on one with them, they do not want that for me because then I will easily be taken down if i do not have the strength to pull myself up in this society. Like my community and my support, I should be able to find the comfort in me so I can continue what I want to do and also be share what I have with future leaders because I know I would be crush if someone decides to quit. I know I will hold myself responsible…

…it’s get hard. it really does. I want to be able to be able to know all the answers to everything, be the help and support future QPOCers will need and be amazing, make change, but no one stops me but myself. I don’t know why I do this.I want to be able to love myself and know that all this is a learning process but I just expect so much out of myself that I do not realize the good things I am doing…i guess part of all this has to do with me always looking into the future and not really what’s here now…is that why I cant concentrate in projects/homework/work/responsibilities I have? I’m stil trying to find a balance but I have to stop in what the future holds for me and focus on the now…i think that is something that will really help. I know i do good work…but i get too caught up..i should stop. and there is also you. I think i am over you, that we are just friends, but I still like you, a lot….thanks for running my mind =...i just dont know what to do. i try not talking to you but then you come with your sweet ol’ self and make me crazy for you, i would like it to stop so I can be at ease. you are adorable too adorable. i really like you =\ <33333333….

(via blogsecret)

i try and try but you are a big part of my mind..what’s the best way to get over you? =\

…is a lot harder than what I was told it would be. The need of attraction between two people really has to be strong in order for something to remain and last forever. I have always found the need to have love every second of my life, and well I kind of felt that with you, when I first chose you as my crush. You just seemed really perfect to me, but I know that nothing will ever happen because you just want me as a friend. And even staying friends is quite hard because I still fall for your gorgeous smile, amazing personality and attractiveness. You just move me, day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Just hearing your name, seeing you in your usual spot, feeling your presence, my hearts roams and I know I am happy but just having to be friends, its a lot harder for me. But its even harder realizing that you are not mine, and won’t be. But I also question if thats what I really want. I enjoy the feelings I get when you are around me—being my head or physically—but I really do not know what I want from you. I am sure that I want you in my life. We went through this, and it seems that you would like me in yours as well, but as always I question, what about me makes me really special that makes you want to keep me around? There’s several other people who I am sure make you feel good about yourself and are damn better than what I am, what makes me so different? At times it gives me hope that there a chance, especially the way you wait so politely and stare right into my eyes and the way you reach out for a hug…those moment that I’m in your arms, you touching me, I don’t feel like getting go because I get such a wonderful feeling that I wish it could last forever…

love…its hard to get rid off when your heart made the choice already. its hard to forget because it chooses what it makes it feel right and its hard to let go because you are the one that I care for, adore and hope that something will happen. I am sorry, but I will not be able to let you go!

blogsecret:

In response to this secret I would like to tell the poster that it really is possible. I used to believe that there was no way in hell that someone could be truely homosexual and then be transformed into heterosexual. I was honestly a lesbian and I prayed about it for years until I finally came out of the closet. About a year ago I really started to dig deeper into my faith and I started to hear God telling me that he had a new plan for my life and that I wasn’t going to just be attracted to women. I developed my first hetero crush and was shot down by him but I still was not the same person that I was only months before. I still find women very attractive but I do feel attracted to males as well. I do not classify myself as anything.

I know many will disagree and tell me that I must have never been gay or that I’m just faking this or I’m delusional or something. I don’t care what you think. I just want you to know that people really can change. You just have to let it happen. Nobody can change you except yourself and God.

I was questioning this. I do not agree that sexuality is a choice at all and that you can all of a sudden say you are not “GAY” any more. And I really don’t think that God can in anyway say that you are no longer gay.

(via blogsecret)

and get this over with…i miss you…i dont want to lose you but i have to let you go…its drowning me…

after today and monday, i feel really confident that i am going to do a great job in the orgs i am involved in. but i do feel that i will burn out or will not have time for myself. but i am quite confident that theres going to be more people that will step up and i know that i have people that support me and i can go to when things get too tough. but i am scared that i will fail but that fear pushes me to challenge myself even more.

I have two jobs and i am heavily involve in qpoc and qwoc, with five classes…i should be able to handle it right? oh, the life of a developing activist…

fuckyeahlgbt:

fuckyeahbisexuals:

spacetowrite:

xcrashgirlx:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. She was beaten to death because she was gay.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. They consider him a “friend”, not family.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me, but they can’t because they’re both men.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I’m not male enough for men, and not female enough for women.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I was born as a woman.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. Unfortunately, that isn’t happening.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. They might hate me.

I am the one who is afraid to hold her girlfriend’s hand in public. What if someone sees?

I am the straight kid who wants the hate to stop.

I am the student who refuses to use gay slurs as insults.

I am the one who is tired of pretending I’m somebody I’m not.

I am the girl who has to be careful around my straight friends. I’m bi, but people call them lesbians just because they hang out with me.

I am the boy shot to death because of my gender expression.

I’m the straight girl who supports gay marriage

We’re the couple who has to move away from all our friends and family to be together, because our state made it illegal for us to get married.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: Love.

I do not know the original source for this piece. It’s a viral-internet kind of thing. I did add a little to it.

It hurts me to hear you say that you Want to die already. How wonderful your life will be without the problems. How I wish you knew how much you mean to my mom and me. Although your other grandkids and children only take you for advantage, i want you to know that my family is different. I seen it since the beginning. I am not saying that we are better but roughly different. I don’t think you will suffer a lot. Maybe one day in the future you will listen to me. I love you Grandma, i do not want you gone. =[

I just can’t take it any more…I can’t be here any more..I need to leave, like now. I am happy for a minute, but then something ruins it..why? I use to be really happy here, I use to love being here, but now I can’t take it! it hurts me to say this, but this is how I feel…I just want to go back to San Diego…